Another general election is to be held on 8 September so that Theresa May can secure a larger majority, it has been announced.
Speaking to journalists, Mrs May said: “This general election has been a great success for the Conservatives and for me personally, but I still do not have a proper majority.”
“I demand that voters give me the majority I need to go into the Brexit negotiations and secure the wrong deal for Britain.”
“Therefore, the people will be asked to vote again on September the 8th and I hope that this time, voters will do their patriotic duty and return an all Conservative House of Commons.”
“That way, there will be no scrutiny of my policy decisions and I will be able to rule Britain as a dictator.”
“And in case some voters insist on defying my will by voting for one of the anti-British parties like Labour or the Liberal Democrats, I have a war chest full of donations from millionaires to pay for shit loads of fake news and misleading adverts on Facebook.”